


snailed it

by evotter



Series: u got games on yo phone??? [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Social Media AU, i dont know, i just wanted to write another one of these, lily evans: a meme goddess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 11:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17898017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/pseuds/evotter
Summary: James Potter to Lily Evans: bought slughorn a snail for his birthdayJames Potter: he did not appreciateLily Evans: well OBVIOUSLY notLily Evans: his names slughorn not snailhorn u heathen





	snailed it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovesickjily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesickjily/gifts).



> "honestly you could write a texting au where they talk about snails for its entirety and i would be so in awe of your extreme talent in writing beautifully hilarious stories."
> 
> i was tempted.

_ Lily Evans  _ to  _ James Potter:  _ did u kno snails can live for up to 25 yrs depending on the species

_ James Potter:  _ interesting

_ James Potter:  _ why are u texting me facts abt snails

_ Lily Evans:  _ saw it on a website labelled ‘fun snail facts for kids’

_ James Potter:  _ why are u on a website like that

_ Lily Evans:  _ have u ever sat in a lecture hall with professor binns

_ James Potter:  _ uh yeah and then immediately dropped the class

_ Lily Evans:  _ yep

_ Lily Evans:  _ cant drop so im stuck suffering

_ Lily Evans:  _ whats the worst is that this class is ridiculously easy so its an easy A but attendance is a major part of my overall grade so i cant just skip the lectures

_ James Potter:  _ and u dont nap during class ???

_ Lily Evans:  _ definitely cant, i dont take naps

_ James Potter:  _ im sorry who am i talking to rn

_ James Potter:  _ i Dont Know U

_ Lily Evans:  _ cant nap, its a chronic condition

_ James Potter:  _ bullshit

_ Lily Evans:  _ self-diagnosed ofc

_ Lily Evans:  _ last time i tried to nap i didnt wake up for a solid 8 hrs

_ Lily Evans:  _ missed an exam and everything

_ Lily Evans:  _ so i dont take naps now

_ James Potter:  _ ok i guess its justified but ur still strange

_ Lily Evans:  _ yet u text back faster than i do

_ James Potter:  _ >:(

=

_ James Potter  _ to  _ Lily Evans:  _ bought slughorn a snail for his birthday

_ James Potter:  _ he did not appreciate

_ Lily Evans:  _ well OBVIOUSLY not

_ Lily Evans:  _ his names slughorn not snailhorn u heathen

_ Lily Evans:  _ why didnt u just buy a slug

_ James Potter:  _ i have an irrational fear

_ James Potter:  _ saw gideon prewett vomit one up when i was 12 and i cry every time i see them now

_ Lily Evans:  _ i didnt need that mental image

_ James Potter:  _ ???? u were there?????

_ Lily Evans:  _ was i? 

_ Lily Evans:  _ i dont have any memories that include u before the age of 15

_ James Potter:  _ evans i literally talked to u like every day

_ Lily Evans:  _ impossible thats wrong

_ James Potter:  _ why are we having this conversation

_ Lily Evans:  _ bc ur wrong

_ Lily Evans:  _ and also u texted me first

_ James Potter:  _ shut up i literally hate u

_ Lily Evans:  _ should have bought ol sluggy a fish like i did

_ Lily Evans:  _ i put a couple water lilies in the bowl with it and i think i saw him cry

_ James Potter:  _ i feel like thats a little self centered

_ Lily Evans:  _ listen everyone knows how much slughorn likes me

_ Lily Evans:  _ and hes really not that bad u know

_ James Potter:  _ u like slughorn, u tolerate binns

_ James Potter:  _ i really cannot handle u

_ Lily Evans:  _ fine. blocked 

=

_ Remus Lupin  _ to  _ Lily Evans:  _ Lol how long are u gonna have James blocked ???

_ Lily Evans:  _ until he comes to me groveling on his knees and begging for forgiveness

_ Remus Lupin:  _ That’s rather dark

_ Lily Evans:  _ it’s overdramatic

_ Remus Lupin:  _ Wholeheartedly

_ Lily Evans:  _ u can tell him its all in good fun

_ Remus Lupin:  _ He doesn’t like that answer

_ Lily Evans:  _ oh well

=

_ James Potter  _ to  _ Lily Evans:  _ hi did u kno theres a species of snail that can take down a starfish

_ Lily Evans:  _ thats quite possibly the most boring fact ive ever learned

_ James Potter:  _ well its abt snails and u quite like snails

_ James Potter:  _ and also i assumed u still had me blocked

_ Lily Evans:  _ nah i unblocked u yesterday

_ James Potter:  _ ??? why

_ Lily Evans:  _ black showed me video footage of gideon prewett vomiting up a slug

_ Lily Evans:  _ why did he have one in his mouth anyway

_ James Potter:  _ i think fabian dared him to do something that involved eating it

_ Lily Evans:  _ and he said YES???????

_ James Potter:  _ well duh its the prewett twins they have some weird pact about strange dares and following thru with them

_ James Potter:  _ all redheads are weird 

_ Lily Evans:  _ ok i definitely feel like u threw that last part out just bc i hadnt responded in 5 minutes and just to get a rise out of me

_ James Potter:  _ well did it work

_ Lily Evans:  _ well duh

_ Lily Evans:  _ quite fucking offensive have u looked at my hair

_ James Potter:  _ only every day since we were like 11

_ Lily Evans:  _ we met when we were 11???????

_ James Potter:  _ okay evans u have GOT to b fucking with me

_ James Potter:  _ please tell me ur fucking messing with me

_ James Potter:  _ or else u need to get some serious medical attention if u cant remember anything before the age of 15

_ Lily Evans:  _ no i???/ very clearly remember everything??????

_ James Potter:  _ except me

_ Lily Evans:  _ we literally met when we were 15 u idiot idk what ur talking about

_ James Potter:  _ this is the worst prank ever

=

_ James Potter  _ to  _ beastie boys:  _ did we all not meet evans when we were 11

_ Sirius Black:  _ yea why

_ James Potter:  _ she swears she doesnt remember any of us til age 15

_ Sirius Black:  _ james what are u on abt mate

_ Sirius Black:  _ she and i were literally just talking about the one time when we were 13 that peter fell in the lake

_ Sirius Black:  _ also think ur going quite mad, obvs she remembers us all

_ James Potter:  _ she literally always tells me she doesnt remember me b4 15

_ Sirius Black:  _ have u MET lilly evans?????

_ Sirius Black:  _ shes literally messing with u

_ Sirius Black:  _ cant believe u r so gullible as to believe her

_ James Potter:  _ shes……….

_ Remus Lupin:  _ Love u James but quite honestly u are absolutely a fucking goner when it comes to Lily and that includes falling for her ridiculous pranks

_ James Potter:  _ praNKing me????????

_ Sirius Black:  _ yes

_ Sirius Black:  _ obviously

_ Sirius Black:  _ and uve been dumb enough to fall for it

_ James Potter:  _ ajskldfasdhgaslkd

=

_ Remus Lupin  _ to  _ Lily Evans:  _ I think u absolutely broke James

_ Lily Evans:  _ oh i know

_ Lily Evans:  _ he just came up to me before flitwicks lecture and gaped like a fish for a solid minute

_ Lily Evans:  _ i snapped a picture

_ Lily Evans:  _ it was quite funny

_ Remus Lupin:  _ Did u make it ur background

_ Lily Evans:  _ maybe

_ Remus Lupin:  _ Has it occured to u that ur quite possibly as far gone for him as he is for u

_ Lily Evans:  _ well i would hope so

_ Lily Evans:  _ me sending him dumb snail facts is me flirting with him

_ Remus Lupin:  _ U are the worst at flirting

_ Lily Evans:  _ ugh the fact that UR telling me that rly means i am doesnt it

_ Remus Lupin:  _ 12 y/o Lily flirted with me better than u are with James currently

_ Lily Evans:  _ damn it

_ Lily Evans:  _ I JUST REALLY LOVE SNAILS

_ = _

_ James Potter  _ to  _ Lily Evans:  _ u drive me absolutely mad did u know that

_ Lily Evans:  _ the worlds smallest snail can fit thru the eye of a needle did u know THAT

_ James Potter:  _ i’m trying to be serious here

_ Lily Evans:  _ but ur james……...why would u want 2 b like sirius…………….

_ James Potter:  _ fukgin

_ Lily Evans:  _ but just

_ Lily Evans:  _ imagine a teeny tiny snail fitting in the eye of a NEEDLE

_ Lily Evans:  _ i cant bELIEVE IT

_ James Potter:  _ i cant believe u PRANKED me

_ Lily Evans:  _ yes well

_ Lily Evans:  _ i meant it to be a quick joke and then u just took it and ran with it

_ Lily Evans:  _ so

_ James Potter:  _ ohhhhh so its MY FAULT

_ Lily Evans:  _ yes

_ James Potter:  _ hm

_ James Potter:  _ whatever

_ James Potter:  _ looking back at it was kinda funny

_ James Potter:  _ i really was concerned for ur memory

_ James Potter:  _ but now that i know theres nothing wrong with u it was actually pretty good

_ Lily Evans:  _ i guess u could say that i…………

_ James Potter:  _ oh no

_ Lily Evans:  _ SNAILED IT

_ James Potter:  _ please no

_ Lily Evans:  _ ur like the pun master how can u not like that

_ James Potter:  _ bc it was awful

_ Lily Evans:  _ im literally at my locker and i can see u smiling at ur phone u idiot

_ Lily Evans:  _ also did u know that snails like to dine together

_ Lily Evans:  _ like they prefer to b around other snails when they eat bc they enjoy the company and prefer to eat from the same food source as other snails

_ James Potter:  _ do u just have a snail fact website readily available at all times

_ Lily Evans:  _ quite possibly

_ Lily Evans:  _ so anyway

_ Lily Evans:  _ this relationship is moving a bit SLOW for me

_ James Potter:  _ relationship?????

_ James Potter:  _ fuck was that another pun

_ Lily Evans:  _ maybe

_ Lily Evans:  _ anyway wanna share a pizza with me on friday 

_ James Potter:  _ bc u prefer to eat from the same food source as other snails????

_ Lily Evans:  _ are u calling me a snail

_ James Potter:  _ if u had an animal that embodied ur persona id say it was a fuckin snail, so yeah

_ Lily Evans:  _ like a fursona

_ James Potter:  _ stop 

_ James Potter:  _ stop it 

_ Lily Evans:  _ would my snailsona have lungs or gills

_ James Potter:  _ they can have either????

_ Lily Evans:  _ yes depending on their climate, james keep up

_ James Potter:  _ what is this obsession with snails and why cant i understand it

_ Lily Evans:  _ remember the meme

_ Lily Evans:  _ take me to snurch

_ Lily Evans:  _ (snail church)

_ James Potter:  _ u cannot possibly tell me u love snails this much solely bc of a meme

_ Lily Evans:  _ have u met me

_ Lily Evans:  _ of course i can

_ Lily Evans:  _ and u havent answered my fucking question mate

_ Lily Evans:  _ do u wanna go on a snate or not

_ Lily Evans:  _ (snail date)

_ James Potter:  _ ugh

_ James Potter:  _ snes

_ James Potter:  _ (snail yes)

_ Lily Evans:  _ no ur doing it incorrectly

_ James Potter:  _ i just agreed to go out with u despite this weird obsession with snails plz dont make me take it back

_ Lily Evans:  _ ok fine

_ Lily Evans:  _ :)

=

_ Lily Evans:  _ u have to meet my pet snail 

_ Lily Evans:  _ his name is Escargobi-Wan Kenobi

_ James Potter:  _ what the fuck

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> CANON THAT LILY HAS A PET SNAIL NOW BYE


End file.
